All Blog Posts (132)

I'm hearing she got a preventive double mastectomy to reduce her chances of getting breast cancer.  Her % of getting it dropped from 85% to 5%. She said that she can now tell her kids that they would never lose her to breast cancer.

Coincidentally, Spike TV released the following statement:

"There are 1,000 Ways to Die."

Peace Out!

Chris

#nevertoosoon

Apparently, rich people are hiring disabled people on the black market and paying them $130 an hour to pose as their family member so they can get on all of the rides quicker at Disney World.  Disney's policy states that any disabled person can bring their family of up to 6 people to the front of the line to get on their rides.  Here are a few observations:

1. I really wish Terri Schiavo were still alive because what better way to use that rule to your advantage than to have a…

He used to be known for flying down the football field with his 4.3 speed, unfortunately, he is not good at flying through the air...

If Abby and Brittany were to brainstorm and come up with ideas about something, would it be wrong to say that they put their heads together?

I bet Phil Jackson is finally relieved that there will be no more awkward family dinners...

Roger Clemens' career batting average: .172

Mindy McCready's career average: .250 (1 out of 4 attempts successful)

Winner: McCready

Time to start listing your Mindy McCready items on eBay...even though it took her 4 tries to off herself...

Is Pope Benedict's resignation part of a plea agreement???  #jonjohnson 

I don't think they'll ever find his "girlfriend." They still haven't found Natalee Holloway yet.

Orlando is home to the happiest place on earth........unless you were Caylee Anthony.

In the spirit of the 12 days of Christmas, here are some great ideas for presents:

Michael J. Fox - a martini, SHAKEN, not stirred

Whitney Houston - a non-slip bath mat

Christopher Reeve - a pair of running shoes

Terri Schiavo - a drool cup

Mickey Schunick - a GPS

Jerry Sandusky - ticket to the Children's Museum

OK, just kidding about that last one...

Well, no more playoffs for the Saints.  They played well again today and can still finish 8-8.  However, with wins today by Minnesota and Chicago, the Saints faint playoff hopes disappeared faster than Mickey Schunick.

I think I figured out how the Saints can get a win.  Two weekends ago, a Chiefs LB died on Saturday and the team won their game on Sunday.  This past weekend, one of the Cowboys must have figured that might work, because a Cowboys LB died on Saturday and the team won their game on Sunday.  This is setting a baaaad precedent...

The Kansas City Chiefs needed a shot in the arm, not in the head...

It is now safe to drop Jovan Belcher in leagues that employ individual defensive players....

JAKE I AM REQUESTING A SCHEDULE CHILL SUNDAY POST EVERY 2ND SUNDAY & 4TH SUNDAY SET UP FOR THE STARR PENN OPEN-MIC COMEDY SHOW AT 3253 BEVERLY BLVD L. A. CA. 90057. PURCHASE 1 ITEM...SHOWTIME 4PM-7PM... ALL COMIC'S AND ENTERTAINERS AND FRIENDS ARE WELCOME. STARTING 11-25-12.

You know, folks who save hundreds on car insurance by switching to GEICO sure are happy.  How happy are they?  Happier than Jerry Sandusky in a shower room.

Idea for those who don't want any kids knocking on their door: Hang a wreath or a sign on your front door that says, "Home of the Sanduskys."

From Green Mile to Green Pile.....too soon?

That's 7 medals ripped from Lance, 6 feet under for Neil Armstrong.